Kamis, 10 April 2014

The Diamond and The Stone

    12:21 AM. April 9, 2014... Hari ini pemilu legislatif tapi bukan itu masalahnya. In this late of night, while everyone has swimming in their dreams, I’m here wondering and writing about how my heart felt really stuffed recently. I don’t know where to start because this problem has getting worse and getting sooooo freakin’ complicated. And that’s one of my reasons of why I don’t like getting to know and close to people. This post will led to hurting some people’s feeling... But I just... Can’t... Hold it any longer.

    Manusia itu makhluk sosial. Biarpun kita bisa hidup mandiri, kita pasti membutuhkan orang lain untuk hidup bersama, entah bantuan atau hanya sekedar merasakan adanya keberadaan orang lain disekitar kita. Nah, yang namanya manusia itu pasti punya kecenderungan mengelompok. Jelas. Entah berdasar hobi, kesukaan, kenyamanan, atau atas dasar keterpaksaan but I won’t get deeper about that. Ya kaya peribahasa birds of a feather flock together, yang artinya orang-orang yang merasa (baik sadar maupun nggak sadar) bahwa mereka sejenis pasti bakal mengelompok. And it doesn’t exclude me. Before, I have these friends whom I used to hang out with almost every day. That’s where my problem starts. Oke aku deket sama siapapun, sama semua orang, mau yang hobi ngampus sampe hobi buang ingus... but I always build up a thin barrier to set us apart. Karena seperti yang pernah aku bilang... Aku nggak mau terlalu dekat sama orang kalo akhirnya pasti bakal saling menyakiti dan disakiti. Dan kenapa ini nggak lanjut-lanjut ke inti masalahnya........................
    So the problem is... People develop, friends develop, and behavior also develops. Everything in this world is so dynamical. Begitu juga dengan tingkat pengetahuan kita tentang perilaku dan sifat seseorang. Masalahku dimulai ketika aku lupa sama prinsipku dan aku jadi terlanjur mengenal seseorang lebih dalam. Aku orangnya sensitif jadi aku merasa terganggu sekaligus blak-blakan jadi aku nggak bisa nutupin ketidaknyamananku terhadap seseorang. And let start, really start, with the story...
    I have this one friend who is beautiful, cute, girly, friendly, quiet and so many reasons to love her. Everyone loves her and cares about her, but not me and some people who knows her behind her facades. To me... she’s just an ignorant brat who loves attention and will do anything to get that. Bagaimana perasaanmu saat kamu dirangkul, digandeng, diajak haha hihi di depan khalayak ramai yang merupakan teman kuliahmu.... tapi kamu cuma dianggap angin lalu di tempat lain disaat teman-teman kuliahmu tidak melihat. Bagaimana perasaanmu saat hubunganmu dengannya makin memburuk dan kamu yang sedang tidak berada di posisi yang salah... have to gather a bunch of courage just to apologize to the one who did wrong first.... That’s not the real problem. The problem is... saat kamu kira semua sudah baik-baik saja, ternyata pihak yang kamu mintain maaf itu justru bercerita tentang another story ke orang lain and it puts you on the wrong side of story. GOD -_- it hurts as fxck.
    But.......... What really hurt is... when someone you respect so much, you trust so much, because he’s your leader in a professional thing... broke that trust just for trivial things like that. FREAK. I thought that he was a logical person but turns out he’s nothing like that -_- who in this world would believe that such a certain people would kill an innocent animal just because that certain people dislike the owner? Who in this world will believe? The owner told that story when she’s alone at home and gosh... It actually makes me pity her a lot. She blames her friends who did nothing wrong just to get... Attention. Please how did she live all this time..... And I REALLY HATE the way she act like an angel in front of people who don’t know her real self.... an act like a total bitch in front of people who knows her true form. She doesn’t care about how other people would feel, as long as she gets what she wants. She doesn’t care if other people are being hurt because of her, as long as she’s not the one who gets hurt. Then how am I supposed to react when I have to face her and her knight in a white horse every day....
    And there’s one person whom I used to be close too... but turns out that she’s a coin like one. I can’t stand being close with people who say different things in different place and different time. Because I don’t like that kind of people, so I try so hard not to be one too. That’s why I grew a distance from them............ Because I can’t do anything like being nice in front of the people I dislike. I’m really caring for someone that I care about, but I won’t give a damn to someone whom I’m not comfortable with. Egoistic?  You can say it like that but it’s just my way to protect my heart from being hurt and to protect other people from hurting.
    So this post is literally just my rant about my life... There’s no other particular reason about this. Purely... an eruption of this stuffed heart... I’ve been trying really hard to forgive but I’m not an angel or prophet who can stand being hurt again and again. I’ve tried to apologize when I’m not wrong... And I’m getting hurt. I’ve tried to be honest to people... And I’m getting hurt. I’ve tried to grow a distance from them.... And I’m the one who gets hurt again when a certain person blames everything on me because I became distant with her -_- what should I do with this people? I never met anyone like these before... But there’s one friend of me. I like her, really like her, she’s funny, stupid, absurd, but wise in a complicated ways that I can’t describe. She once said to me, “Be good to everyone even if they’re not good to you”.
    And my advice to everyone who read this... 1) not all people are as good as you think they are. There’s always a bad one among the good ones. 2) Don’t throw away a stone because you think it’s just a stone and don’t pick up a diamond just because you think it’s a diamond. The stone you threw before can turn out to be a valuable diamond when the diamond you picked before can turn out to be an imitation one. We need to know more about someone before we can judge how well or bad that person is. 3) Don’t put your trust in someone you don’t know much. Because when that someone broke that trust, it hurts like hell. 4) Don’t be a fake one because that kind of people is the most disgusting kind of person. 5) Try to be good to everyone but don’t pretend to be good. If you can’t be good, just don’t give a damn about that. Leave it.  6) Don’t try to change people. Some people are born that way. Some people are just so annoying that you wouldn’t bear to change them. Leave the one who doesn’t love you because you worth much more than that. 7) Lastly, don’t forget to always try to forgive people who hurt you. If you can’t do it at once, keep trying because everything in this world needs a process. I’m in a process too... a process to let everyone who hurts me go and a process where I have to forgive them.

1 komentar:

  1. Well the first rhing that cross my mine was.. bilangnya ayo mulai berkali kali tapi udah setengah baca baru beneran mulai -.-" hahahah
    Well what you write is right. Too many mask is worn to make a nice impresion and to hide the truth. But God loves you alot that S/He (God itu she apa he ya?) Shows you the truth.
    But you need to remember, dont reject something. As the more you reject something, it will comes to you more . And rejection leads to suffering. Let it flow.
    Btw go visit my blog ^.^
    Salam kenal dari sahabat ibumu :)

    BalasHapus